Computer Error

An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and serviced.


He told her to "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I will fix it."


About fifteen minutes later she shows up at his door with the power cord in her hand.

Accountant Meet St. Peter

An accountant dies and goes to Heaven. He reaches the pearly gates and is amazed to see a happy crowd all waving banners and chanting his name.

After a few minutes St. Peter comes running across and says, "I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you personally. God is looking forward to meeting such a remarkable man as yourself."

The accountant is perplexed. "I've tried to lead a good life, but I am overwhelmed by your welcome," he tells St. Peter.

"It's the least we can do for someone as special as you are. Imagine, living to the age of 123 and still looking so young," says St. Peter.

The man looks even more dumbfounded and replies, "123 years old? I don't know what you mean. I'm only 40."

St. Peter replies, "But that can't be right - we've seen your time sheets!"

Accountant And Shepherd

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $ 100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.

The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.

The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees.

"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.

"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."

Spielberg

At the Bar, Steven Spielberg drunk and he met the Chinese.

He said to the Chinese, "Hey you, you bombed the Pearl Harbour !".
Chinese Man, "No, it was Japanese, that bombed the Pearl Harbour".
Spielberg, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, you're all the same".

Chinese Man response, "You sunk the Titanic".
Spielberg, "No, it's not me. It was Iceberg".
Chinese Man, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same".

Sci-Fi Section

A man come to a book store and ask, "Where I can find book, that teach how to be boss to your wife ?".

Store keeper answer, "Go to the second floor, at the sci-fi section".

For The Sick

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I'm gonna be sick, Momma!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and then behind a bush."

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

"Were you sick?" her mom asked.

"Yes."

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, For the Sick."

Fence Bid

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from India, another from Japan, and the third from Indonesia. At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.
When they all replied that they were contractors the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid? So to the back fence they all went."

First to step up was the India contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Japanese contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the Indonesian contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Japan."